Commitment

Commitments.
Time, activities, people.
Every new year, school year, or birthday that rolls around we love to make resolutions, commitments to do this and change that and determine to succeed in these promises to ourselves.

 But it's not so easy.

Easy enough, perhaps, to keep up with homework and to attend lectures.
Easy enough, perhaps, to attend practices and meetings and rehearsals.
Easy enough, perhaps, to be on time for that work shift.
A little more difficult to follow up on that diet and workout.
A little more difficult to hang out with your friends outside of classes and activities.
A little more difficult to Skype with your high school friends.
A little more difficult to phone your long distance boyfriend every day.
Difficult to read the Bible daily, and to set aside 15 minutes for quiet time with God.
Difficult to call the family and keep each other updated about where you are in life.
Difficult to give up the easier commitments for the harder ones, claiming that those are higher priority.

Not everybody can relate, but these are my specific struggles. Everybody has a set unique to their own personalities and priorities and livelihoods.

It's so easy to plan something, to promise another, and then to flake - to perform superficially, to procrastinate, to cancel. And it happens all. the. time. Every New Years', every birthday, every round of intense introspection and contemplation which occurs at least twice a year, always ends in a newly strengthened resolve, an eagerness that feels like success this time. And then it fades. We are built in cycles, almost like the seasons, or the moon. Our enthusiasm peaks and ebbs and usually dies out. Sometimes it persists, and most times it doesn't.

Blog-writing is one of these commitments. It's small, but bothers me because there is so much to write about, to reflect on, that otherwise passes through my mind like the fleeting thoughts they are and end up buried somewhere deep within my cranium or gone like ghosts passing by. I tried to blog regularly about my life, then about my time in Oman, then after Oman, then in Rwanda, then after Rwanda, and now having undergone at least 3 of those cycles, I'm tired of it. I need to write because it will cultivate my thoughts. It will force me to organize the way I think into coherent ideas that can be articulated in a non-bullshitty manner.

So my commitment for this blog is to write a piece every day. Whether it is big, or small, or a "reblog", or a photo, or an essay, or a poem, or an old journal entry from my time abroad or traveling, I will make a commitment to write a post. Every day. It's hard without an accountability partner - I could ask a friend or a sibling to make sure that I post everyday - but I hope that by doing this by myself, for myself, it will make my efforts that much more effective and will help me to break some of these nasty habits I've developed over the past several years. 

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