Date: September 12, 2022
Start time: 7:21 PM
What I'm thinking about: unrealized crushes
I passed this past weekend (read: from Friday night til Monday morning) in a feverish state of coughing (until my abdominals were cramping in pain), chills interspersed with clammy sweats, pounding headaches, vivid dreams, and crazy mashups of thoughts. It was, to date, possibly the sickest I've been in quite some time. (According to the antigen tests I took on Friday afternoon pre-this wild weekend and the one I took this morning after I finally felt well enough to venture a few steps without feeling dizzy, it wasn't COVID, so hooray?)
But in the midst of the various crazy dreams that I had throughout this weekend, one of the ones which stuck out to me, perhaps because it was so unexpected - was that of a dear childhood friend of mine. I usually dream of people from different aspects and periods of my life in various places that I've lived in or traveled to; however, one would assume that those that show up in your dreams tend to be the ones that are closer to one's waking thoughts. However, the person that appeared in this dream was quite unexpected. I don't know - perhaps his name had popped up while I was casually scrolling through my Facebook feed a while ago?
The thing that I was surprised to realize both in my dream and outside, once I awoke, was how attracted I found myself to this person. And upon waking and being in surprise that he had showed up in my dream, and that I had been so attracted to him in the dream, made me wonder if I had subconsciously been attracted to him so many years ago (I haven't seen him in maybe 15 years?). And when I think of our relationship back then, he was truly a cherished and trusted friend, somebody who was warm and I feel like I could trust no matter what. He was somebody who was a genuine friend without expecting or asking for more (and perhaps that was why I didn't realize that I could be attracted to him, or perhaps it is my now adult self finding myself attracted to that version of pure trustworthy companionship/friendship?)
It was a strange but beautiful and slightly nostalgic feeling. I would be curious to ask him what he thought about our relationship back then, but I think that at this point, after having been out of touch for so long and given that I believe he's happily married with children, it would be unseasonable to contact him out of the blue with such a question.
